The Final Chapter – On Loss and Love

Against all odds, my PC service ended in November, exactly when it was supposed to. While I don’t personally feel like I owe anyone a nice and pretty “wrap up” blog trying to put my whole 27 month journey into 500 words, I feel as though it is expected of me. So here I go.

I’ve said it many times, but PC dealt me my highest of highs and lowest of lows, sometimes both in a matter of minutes. Shortly after my last blog post, I hit my all-time low. My grief caused this little blogging endeavor to hit a full stop. I had no words for what this series of losses was doing to me mentally and what it would continue to do to my service, and as time went on I knew I couldn’t continue blogging without explaining my absence. Frankly I’m still not willing to do that which is evident by the countless versions of this post that I’ve written and deleted. Instead, I’m going to explain how I got off of rock bottom.

Isolation is a scary thing, and as I coped with what seemed like blow after blow last spring, I knew becoming even more isolated was going to be the downfall of my mental health and thus, my service. Fortunately I have some pretty adorable saviors. My service was saved, undoubtedly, by a set of triplets. Mozambican culture is very community oriented and had I shown up at most any house in town, I would have been welcomed in, given a meal, and invited to sit in the shade. But those interactions usually meant hours spent in silence. While I got much better at just “being” throughout my time in Moz, it certainly wasn’t ever something I was super comfortable with. This is where the triplets come in.

I have mentioned my family before, they make up the 20 (5 adults, 3 teenagers, 12 children) people that took me in and truly became my second mother, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and even children. None of that would have happened if Cândida hadn’t given birth to the 3 most beautiful and perfect baby girls the day before I moved to Marrupa in June 2018. While my relationship with the family grew with each short visit on my way to or from the market, I didn’t expect to be close to them in large part due to our lack of common language and my inability to sit in silence. But those girls changed everything. Instead of me going over and awkwardly sitting quietly on their porch, I got to go over and play babysitter. Cause the thing about triplets is, there is always one that needs to be held. It didn’t happen immediately, there was definitely some sniffing out on both of our parts. But one by one they warmed up to me, and I fell in love with them. Now you may ask what this has to do my aforementioned grief. My relationship with the family really kicked up in January of last year, but it was still in its teenage stages when things started to crumble for me. When I was ready to crawl out of my dark hole, I knew those babies would be the ticket.

I was soon spending every free moment on that porch. I would go over for the triplets, but I would stay for the adventures with my sisters, the reading lessons with the elementary aged kids, the cooking or local language classes with my mom, and most of all, the feeling of family when mine felt so far away. We threw a giant birthday party for the twins (yes she also had twins) and triplets in June, and somehow and even bigger party for the 6 of us with September birthdays including my 25^th. I witnessed the girls’ first steps and the beginnings of their first conversations. They would get dropped off at my house if Cândida needed a break or if the younger kids wanted to play with my toys and I got to try to juggle all three of them and their needs. I watched them develop from 3 “babies” that I couldn’t tell apart, to Patrícia, Paciência, and Pacy, 3 strong-willed independent girls with unique personalities. They would waddle into my arms when I arrived and sob when I left. I learned the magic of wrapping one on your back to get her to fall asleep, and that even if they can feed themselves, they much rather sit in your lap and make you feed them. People around town would ask me how my daughters were if they saw me without them, and my students began to look for me at their house if I wasn’t at my own. If my deep love for those girls and their mother is not extremely evident by now, you should have heard me talk about them, all day every day, to my PC friends. Yea they were a pretty incredible addition to my service, but even more, they gave me a purpose, a family that counted on me to get out of my house, and hope that it was all going to be okay.

And thus, the title – “On Loss and Love.” I lost an unimaginable amount over the last 27 months; from chunks of my personality and independence, to one of my biggest supporters, and a ton of stuff in between. But I also gained a whole hell of a lot of love. And that’s as close of a wrap up to my service as you’re going to get. Obviously a lot more has happened since April, and I have a lot more thoughts about what this experience has meant to me, but this is where I’m going to leave y’all. I am extremely happy to be back (or done, not sure I’ll ever really be “back”), but beyond heartbroken to have said goodbye to the people that saved me and raised me over and over again.

Trips turn 1

 

Massive 25th Birthday Party

Super Mom and my best friend, Cândida

Second Mom

Going Away Party

Girls like cars too

Identical twins mirroring each otherP

Paciência who refused to be put down so got wrapped up so I could get chores done

Pacy – The most mellow of the girls. A total Momma’s girl so the last to warm up to me but will sneak her way into your lap if she thinks it means she’ll get to play with your phone.

Patrícia – The wild child. Most adventurous and brave. First to walk and talk. Eats constantly and tricks her sisters into giving her their food. The only non-identical one so the first I learned the name of.

Dancin

Paciência – My girl. Didn’t warm up right away but once she did, we were inseparable. I was pretty much required to hold her anytime I was around and if anyone else tried to she’d scream. If you’ve ever seen a baby’s face light up when they see you, you know how much love I felt for this girl.

Various Triplet Pics (hover over for personality blurbs)

So this is the end of Alli Está Allí definitely for now, but likely forever. If you want to read about my post PC travels, or watch me try to figure out how to adult in Boston, your best bet is Facebook. But of course I’m also always happy to hear from y’all personally. Thank you for your support over the years, it has meant a lot. Finally, you know I have to sincerely and deeply thank my 1^st family for putting up with my random mental breakdowns and rambling phone calls for, let’s be honest, 25 years, and my 3^rd family, my PC family, for all the same things and so much more. If you want to make the best friends you’ll ever have, join the Peace Corps.

Mãe, Mana, Titia

I’m willing to bet that one would be hard pressed to find a single Moz PCV that didn’t owe at least part of the success of their service to a woman they came across during their time here. I am even willing to bet that that notion could spread to most Peace Corps countries all over the world. This is not to say that men cannot be (or aren’t) nurturing and supportive to PCVs, I’m just choosing to focus on the women for the topic of this blog post.

Why am I highlighting women today? Well this past Sunday, Moҫambique celebrated its 48th annual Mozambican Women’s Day, April 7^th. In commemoration of Josina Machel, the wife of Moz’s first president, every year on April 7^th  Moҫambican women all over the country dress up in matching capulanas, cook huge feasts, and celebrate their day. Now I’m not going to list all of the ways in which Moҫambican women are the strongest women I know because I believe they are so much more than the hardships they have faced. Instead, I am going to talk about the reasons they have personally given me to deserve a day (or 365) to themselves.

Between my various host families, fellow professors and school colleagues, and even my students and children friends, I have been graced with the presence of many many women throughout my service. Not only has this group kept me fed, clothed, bathed, and sane numerous times over the last 2 years, but they’ve also taught me immeasurable amounts of things. From laundry and language lessons, to countless classes on potato peeling and baby placating, not to mention multiple strategies on how to avoid the village creepy guy – it’s pretty clear that I’ve learned a lot from my women. They’ve shown me how to give when it appears you have nothing to give, and how the company of others can be enjoyed just by sitting in the shade in silence. The smile that is cracked when my capulana has to be adjusted for the hundredth time, or when I finally manage to balance the bucket on my head for a millisecond before I have to grab it again, reminds me that I’ve come a long way and have got a long way left to go, but it’s all thanks to them. Yes this group of women warriors have kept me safe and comfortable during my time here, but more importantly they’ve made me a better women. I write this with tears in my eyes – no doubt that they are strong, but they are also my beautiful and giving family and safety net.

Given how much I owe to the Moҫambican women in my life, you could say I was excited to celebrate them on Sunday. The morning was spent cooking (them, I was demoted after it took me 20 minutes to peel 5 potatoes), holding babies (a job I’m better equipped for), and enjoying the company of our sisters. I can’t say I talked a lot or even understood a lot of the conversation given the language it was in, but I can say the stupid smile I wore all day stuck around regardless. We finally donned our matching capulanas, ate our meal, had a beer, and finished off our celebration free of male intrusion or harassment (mostly). I couldn’t have written a more perfect day if I tried, and I am hopeful they would say the same. I’m not sure I can ever express my appreciation for all they have given me, and there is probably another post with individual highlights coming in the future, but this little party was a start.

Double posting from FB because I love this picture

Obviously I cannot finish a women’s post without shouting out the other incredible women that have guided me to where I am today. I cannot name all of my female identifying teachers, neighbors, bosses, co-workers, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, friends, fellow PCVs, and of course my perfect momma, that have had a tremendous impact on my life. The least I can do is say that I recognize y’all and I am greatly indebted to all of you.

Speaking of my network of friends and family – two of the most loyal, beautiful, strong, smart, kind, and important women in my life are hurting badly right now. Not being around to physically care for either one of them while they go through this trying time eats me up inside. Therefore, to conclude this post I have a small call to action for you all. Support a woman today, and every day. Fellow females – remember how much it meant to you the last time another woman raised you up, and guys – think about all the times a woman went out of her way to help you out. Let’s take the time to recognize the women that got us to where we are now, and lend a hand to those of us who are still on our way to where we want to be.

“Here’s to strong women – May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them”

As always, thanks for being here,

A

February/March (#3)

PSA – if you are just getting to the blog now, please go back and read my previous two posts, they are much more interesting than this one.

I left you after I had arrived safely back in Marrupa and here I’ve been since! The school year started at the beginning of February and since then I have been busy teaching 25 hours a week, getting my library up and running again, tutoring, and spending lots of time with my favorite triplets. Coming back from vacation, especially for Ed volunteers when we haven’t had work to do since early November, is said to be one of the hardest times in our service. As much as I was ready to be back in my house and alone for the first time in over a month, it was also a hard adjustment from the amenities of the cities and the support of friends. I’m happy to say I’ve settled back into life here once again and am excited for what the next 8 months will bring.

Couple stories from the last 2 months, not nearly as adventurous as a safari or a mountain expedition –

I arrived home to find my house completely intact but once again slightly over taken with rats. Ironically enough the most affected area was my large plastic trunk that I put all of the stuff that I didn’t want the rats to get to in. But those buggers chewed right through it and destroyed everything inside. This is where I felt I had reached my breaking point – calling my mom in tears and proclaiming that after all I had been through during my service, it was going to be the rats that got me. But I somehow (thank Momma) moved on and after having to brutally kill one (it was awful) in my pantry, I have been rat free for the last month!

Some rat damage

The trunk they chewed through

As I mentioned before I am now teaching 25 hours (6 more than last year) which means from 12:30-17:30 M-Th I have back to back classes, and then Fridays I have one. This is a fairly sizable amount for a PCV so I am staying very busy. Four days a week I also have office hours where students can come to me for Math or English tutoring and those are always full. I enjoy being busy, it makes the time go by faster, but every once in a while I also need a break.

My new students!

My very full schedule ft. my name almost spelled right

Which leads me to my one adventure since returning to site, a couple weeks ago I travelled to our provincial capital to meet up with the other volunteers in this province from my cohort. There are four of us total and I had a blast just hanging out with my boys. There isn’t much to do in our capital plus it rained the majority of the time, so we ran errands, ate a lot, and enjoyed time together.

Since then I have been back at site and probably won’t be leaving again until May when our trimester ends. Can’t believe we are almost done with the first term with only 8 months left! I’m starting to make plans for my end of service trip and subsequent job hunt – all advice and leads are welcome.

To finish up this series of posts, I want to draw attention to the big news surround Moz right now. Much of the initial reporting has died down, but the central part of this country is still reeling from the category 3 cyclone that hit 2 weeks ago. The death toll is nearing 1,000 (in total, not just Moz) with well over 2 million people impacted. While this storm made western news for a few days, the crisis is not over and these countries still need your support. I am including a couple links to organizations that are on the ground doing relief work if you are able to financially contribute. If you cannot, please keep the conversations about this event going. Don’t let the rest of the world forget about those in need over here. All of that being said, I also implore you all to look at what a beautiful and generous country Mozambique is. It is easy to see the single narrative of heartbreaking devastation here, but there is so so much more.

UN Crisis Relief Flash Appeal

Gorongosa National Park

Save the Children

With all of that in mind, I am going to leave you here. I have some future blog topics on the back burner which I will hopefully get to soon. Thank you all for being on this journey with me.

A

January (#2)

When I left you we were stalling on January 8^th, the day my parents left to go back to the states and the rest of the Kili Crew (affectionately named “Team Blah Blah” by our guides cause we talked a lot) arrived in Moshi.

Rather than a day by day account I’m going to summarize the climb and then dump a slew of pictures below. If you hover over the pictures you’ll get captions. Our group was made up of 8 other PCVs, 1 super mom, 4 guides, and a team ofabout 30 porters, cooks, toilet attendants, and general superstars. We did a 7 day trek up the Lesmotho Route of the mountain. As I had been told beforehand, the first couple days were significantly easier than expected, and then it got SO MUCH harder than you can ever imagine. We battled a lot of rain and some minor altitude sickness through the first 5 days but besides being perpetually wet, we were all feeling strong going into our summit night. And then summit night. I am not exaggerating when I say the following 12 hours were physically the worst of my life. We were “awoken” (can’t say we did much sleeping) at 11pm to howling winds (55mph) and 7^oF temperatures and told to get ready. Here is when we put on every article of clothing we brought with us, including (but not limited to) at least 3 pairs of pants, 3 shirts, 2 coats, 2 hats, and 2 gloves. We looked like marshmallows and I’m honestly not sure how we were able to move. But our range of motion was not a problem as we very very slowly began the trudge up to Uhuru Peak. It’s pitch dark so all you can see is the line of headlamps snaking up the switchbacks. They say you summit at night so you can see the sunrise at the top but I personally think it’s so you can’t see how much further you have to go. Mostly due to my incredible altitude sickness (everyone felt it, I was just one of the unluckiest), we took 8 hours to summit with our guides forcing sugar down my throat at every stop to keep me moving. But all 9 of us reached the top and in retrospect I can admit how cool that is. In the moment I was understandably less thrilled because I just wanted to be able to breathe again and knew I had to walk all the way back down. We took a ton of pictures and then 15 minutes later we began our descent. Going down was no walk in the park – you take 5.5 days to go up but only 1.5 to go down. Our feet were blistered and our knees were aching by the time we reached the bottom. Finally it was time for a victory dinner, some well over due showers (Jess and I rocked the same braids for 7 days, imagine how that looked), and sleep in a bed.

At the top

Day 5 included a scramble

The infamous juice box picture

Summit morning

We made it!

Most of the time we were hiking in a cloud

She finally came out so we could see her

Notice the dirt (and rain) progression from day 1 to day 7 of no bathing.

Day 1 – Beginning

Day 2 – Midway

Day 2 – End

Day 3 – Midway

Day 3 – End (we lost some)

Day 4 -End

Day 5 – End

Day 7 – End Finally

And then, after 22 days in TZ, I made my (dramatic obviously) re-entry into Moz to spend a couple days at the beach before heading down to the capital. These days included the worst attack of bed bugs I’ve ever had, an incredibly lucky hitchhiking experience (tons of free cashews anyone?), and a very chill couple days at a secluded spot on the beach with some great women.

We’re missing one here

So many cashews

And then we were off to Maputo for our mid-service conference which concluded our first year of service and kicked off our second and final year. It was the perfect way to end vacation. This was the first time our whole cohort was together since we swore in 14 months earlier. Many doctors’ appointments, vent sessions, and beers later, I was feeling ready to get back home and I finally finally did. This is where we will end for this post – my homecoming and what I’ve done since will be covered in “Feb/March” later this weekend.

Kili Crew

Moz29

If you have any questions about any of that trip (esp Kili, I have so many anecdotes I don’t have room for) please email me! But I can’t leave without a pitch for the company that we did both our safari and our Kili trek with. If you are headed to Tanzania, I cannot recommend Glady’s Adventure more. Our safari guide was personable, knowledgeable, and an all-around joy to be with for 5 days, and our Kili team  dragged me up that mountain when my body (and brain admittedly) were saying no. They motivated us, carried all of our things, cooked amazing meals for us, and kept us healthy and safe for the whole week. The entire experience with the company was incredible, check em out!

Kili Guides – Kas, Eric, and Peter

Safari Guide – Hillary

And lastly, January was the month we lost our sweet angel pug, Mimi. Mimi lived a good long life of almost 13 years and we are all so grateful she became part of our family all those years ago. The ache I feel having lost her and not being there when she passed is still strong, but I know she was ready. So, to end this post, here is my little Ode to Mimi

You were the best part about coming home and the worst part about leaving it again. I may have complained when you decided to sleep on top of me instead of in the rest of my (your) queen bed, or when you stole the pizza right out of my hand, but I would give anything to have another one of those moments. You had been by my side through every heart break but none of that compares to the loss I feel now. Home won’t be the same without you sitting in the window to greet me when I pull in the driveway or you snoring next to me on the couch. I love you baby girl

Until Sunday,

A

December (#1)

It’s been 4 months since my last post and since I know my mom is stressing that I haven’t done this – here I am, blogging. Full disclosure: this task has been on my to-do list since I got back to my site in January but there were always more pressing things to do (binge watch The West Wing anyone?). In all seriousness I have been quite busy, but now, when the rest of my to-do list is filled with less fun things I should be doing, blogging it is. Since it’s been so long and there is a lot to cover, I am going to split this update into 3 posts – December, January, and Feb/March. Admittedly nothing has happened since I got back to site so the bulk of the things I have to share are from my vacation. So here we go…December!

December started out with my move into my 3^rd house of service which I have already covered here, and then I began my journey to Tanzania. First off were stops at many friends sites as I headed south to catch my flight (yes, I had to travel south to fly north). I don’t have many pictures from this phase but rest assured I ate many eggs and drank many beers along the way. Of course PCVs love to go to the cities and spend way too much money there, but it is also always fun to stop by the sites of fellow volunteers and see how their lives are similar or different to ours. I even got to see 2 of the most beautiful beaches in Moz, eat a ton of fresh coconuts, and just generally celebrate being done with our first year. Side note – I also got stung by a jellyfish which was weirdly on my bucket list.

***Remember hover over the pics for captions, click to enlarge***

Christmas Dinner

Mac and Cheese and Garlic Bread – what could be better?

Lounging

Coconut hunting

Tacos – homemade everything!

After a Christmas spent with some great new and old friends (and a homemade taco feast), I flew up to Tanzania to begin my trip with my parents. I had a couple days there by myself where I was able to connect with some TZ PCVs – very cool. And then Susan and Steve arrived and I was over the moon. We spent the first few days on the island of Zanzibar. We did a blue safari, ate so much amazing seafood, visited a nature conservatory, went on a spice tour, and relaxed on the beach.

Lunch on the blue safari

Blue safari

Ringing in the New Year on the beach!

Cheetah Rock Nature Conservatory

Blue Safari!

Note – this is where we passed into 2019 and therefore January, but I’m going to finish out their trip here

After a few days we travelled back to mainland Tanzania and began our safari in Tarangire National Park which is known for its elephants. The first couple herds we saw were so exciting but before we knew it, we were elephant experts cause we had seen so many! Not to mention the giraffes, lions, gazelles, buffalo, and so much more. If that had been the only day of our safari I think we all would have been satisfied, but it just kept getting better.

Elephant

Giraffe

The next day we drove to Ngorogoro Crater and got there in time to watch a gorgeous sunset over it from our lodge. The crater was completely different from the previous park – there were no trees or elevation so you could see for miles and could watch the relationships of all the animals. Here we cross number four of the Big Five off our list – Rhino.

Us and the crater

Sunrise over the crater

 

Lastly, we headed to the Serengeti to spend the last 3 days of our safari. If we thought we had seen it all before we got there, we were wrong. The Serengeti is just so vast with many different animal groups. With close up views of Cheetahs and Lions plus everything else we could think of including number 5 the leopard, it never got boring. To put the cherry on top, the lodge we stayed in here had glorious canvas tents over-looking the park, an outdoor shower, and an infinity pool. Definitely the peak of the trip for all 3 of us. (Side note – I have a TON of safari pics, check out our Facebook albums if you want to see more)

Cheetahs

Lion friends

Fam

Infinity pool over the Serengeti

Tower of Giraffes

Baby hippo!

But then it was time for M&D to leave. The goodbye kind of felt like going off to college or summer camp – the whole morning before we just kinda waited around for it to happen. As emotional as it was to see them leave, I felt so refreshed after having been with them for the first time in 17 months that it was worth it. I am incredibly grateful they took the time and money to make this unforgettable trip.

Our matching capulana clothes!

So this is where we leave off for “December.” Up next in January, you can read about my Kilimanjaro trek, one more beach trip, and our mid-service conference! Not to worry, that post is already written so it will be up in a few days!

Thank you for sticking with me through this 4 month hiatus and really long first post, I love you all!

A

That’s a (Lettuce) Wrap

As we reached the end of November we also reached the end of my first year of service and wow what a year it has been! I cannot say the last 12 months went anything like I thought they would in most ways, but I’m cautiously optimistic that I know what’s to come in the next 12. About a year ago, when I was feeling extra introspective one day at training, I made a memo on my phone of “My Personal Peace Corps Goals.” I forgot all about this note until I sat down to write this blog and started to reflect on the first half of my two year service. There are a lot of ways I feel like I have failed myself and my community throughout my time here so far, but reading back through these (very cheesy and cliché) goals that I wrote way back when, I cannot help but be proud of myself. I’m not sure I’m ready to share those goals publicly, maybe once I’m closer to being done and can actually say I achieved them all, but the point is – this year has had many ups and many many more downs, and yet I can still look back on it with a sense of pride. Even though I’m not the best teacher (and some days I’d say I’m one of the worst teachers), and I don’t speak the best Portuguese, or have the most friends, at least on some level I’ve done what I came here to do and I’ve got a whole other year to keep on improving.

I don’t have a whole lot to update you all on as far as my life right now is concerned. I finished up the school year with a hodge podge of a third trimester that was riddled with holidays and various events that made us miss class, and now I’m sitting back and twiddling my thumbs (and eating a ton of lettuce) until my travels start. For the most part our students are done with classes until the new year starts in February so the town will get quiet as people go to visit family for the holidays. I too will be visiting family. With my passport (and valid 1 year visa!) finally in tow, I will be heading to Tanzania to meet my parents before attempting to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro with some friends. I’m expecting the next couple months of travel and free time to fly by as most of my time here has so far. By the time the next school year starts I will only have about 10 months left and will only experience everything one more time in this country. For a period of time that sounded so daunting at the beginning, 27 Months, it certainly hasn’t felt that way.

Before I conclude, I just want to give a special shoutout to my 27er sitemate, who just finished her service and is heading home after 2 wonderful years here in Marrupa. If you follow me on social media, you’ve seen how many times Cailee has gone out of her way to make my life easier and I am so so grateful. Having someone move into the house next door to you and join you at school for the last fourth of your service is not easy but Cailee did it with not so much as a complaint (to me at least). Thank you for everything mana, go drink all the craft beer for me in the States.

I don’t know how much I’ll be posting over the next couple months but I’m sure I’ll have a ton of pictures and stories to share from my travels when I get back. Remember to send me any questions you have for my guest bloggers to compare and contrast service in different countries and sectors!

Much Love,

A

P.S. Here are some pictures from the last couple weeks, hover over them to read the captions

Thanksgiving:

Got 5 superstars to do a Turkey Trot Thursday morning!

Thanksgiving isn’t complete without Turkey Hats

Everyone pitched in for this incredible meal

Goat Stew, Grilled Chicken, Mashed Potatoes, Mac and Cheese Salad, Stuffing, Cinnamon Apples

22 of my favorite people

Pumpkin Pie tarts, Apple Pie, Pecan Pie, Snickerdoodles, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Pumpkin Bars for dessert all cooked in 2 tiny ovens!

We started to cook and immediately all the women were wearing capulanas

No trip is complete without a chapa selfie

A quick visit to my friend Morgan’s site:

A Prince and the flowers he brought us

Morgan’s new puppy, Koda

Giraffes!

Zebras!

73 hours spent on buses/chapas plus another 28 hours waiting for said buses/chapas to leave just to get to the Thanksgiving festivities and back. Most of which was with these 2 warriors:

And Finally, I spent this last week moving from my rat infested house into Cailee’s less (but still slightly) rat infested house. To celebrate my third (and hopefully last) house of service, I made this world map out of capulana scraps that I’m pretty proud of:

A Day in the Life

There is no concise way to outline everything that has happened in the time since my last post so rather than trying I am going to finally give y’all an idea what a typical day in my life here in Marrupa looks like followed by a photo dump from the last 2 months and of course ending with a little request.

A weekday:

5-6:00 – Wake up. Now that winter is over it gets light (and therefore hot) earlier so I tend to be up before 6

6-8:00 – Workout. If I get up early enough I like to start my days with runs but if it’s already too hot for that or if I just can’t bear the thought of leaving my house that morning I’ll try to do something active.

8-9:00 – Breakfast. 90% of the time it’s an egg sandwich, and once it’s midweek and I run out of bread I stop eating breakfast :p

9-11:00 – Chores and Preparing for class. There is always some sort of cleaning that needs to happen (dishes, sweeping, just general organizing, etc.) and this is usually the time I spend lesson planning as well. Sometimes I have visitors or I make a quick trip to the market during this time as well if I’m low on food.

11-12:00 – Bathing, getting dressed, packing up for class. Usually forgetting (or being too lazy) to eat and then spending all afternoon hungry.

12:00 – At noon I usually head over to school. It’s a short walk but I like to be there early so I can get in the teaching/Portuguese speaking mindset.

12:15 – Concentraҫão, which is like the opening ceremony to start the school day. We sing the National Anthem and then there is time for announcements. On particularly hot days we don’t do this cause the students start to pass out.

12:30 – First period. Remember that in the afternoon only 8^th and 9^th graders have class (7:00-12:00 is for 10^th, 11^th, and 12^th), so this is when my school day starts but other teachers (including my sitemate) have classes in the morning. My schedule is slightly different every day but for the most part I’m usually at school from 12-17. Most of my classes are 45 minutes long but each of my turmas has one double block a week so it’s a 90 minute class instead. I have a total of 19 teaching hours a week which is about average among PCVs. Once I’m done with class I’m free to go home and if a teacher doesn’t show up sometimes I can get my teaching done early.

17:30 – Cook dinner. Depending on the day of the week, this is usually rice and beans (or lentils) or pasta. Right now lettuce is in season so I eat a lot of salad as well.

18:30-20:00 – Once it’s dark I lock up my house and settle in for some decompression time. I journal, talk to friends, and watch TV shows until bed which is usually around 20 or 21.

Then I wake up the next day and do it all again! Of course this is just the average of what happens, sometimes I’ll visit a friend and end up staying at their house all morning, or just need a break and watch 5 episodes of Law and Order SVU instead of doing my chores. In general this is the schedule that I have found makes me the happiest and sanest. Weekends are pretty different – we have our library program, do a big market trip, I usually have a ton of students over for English or Math tutoring, I visit friends, do laundry, get my grading done, talk to people back home, and in general mentally prepare for the week.

As promised here are a bunch of pictures highlighting the last couple weeks in no particular order –

Celebrated my 24^th year, and my second birthday in country

This one isn’t actually from my birthday but my new sitemate Rachael is here!

 

Went on an incredible trip to the beautiful mountain town of Gurue in the province of Zambezia

Bought some new clothes – obvi my crocs and pants compliment each other perfectly

Had another visa trip to SA and got to reunite with some far away friends in Maputo

Cailee’s English Theater Group came in first place in our provincial competition for the second year in a row. Lotsa pressure for me next year

On our way there our chapa ran out of gas and we had to enlist the help of some crianҫas to get more

Made some banana bread to celebrate some adorable 1 year old’s birthdays. Probably top 5 best days I’ve had here in Marrupa and if you want to hear more about it, text me it’s a great story.

These are the highlights, and in all honesty if I were to make the list of the lowlights over the past 2 months it would be a much longer list. But in the grand scheme of things, life is good. I’m settled in here and have plenty to look forward to as we wrap up our first year teaching and get ready for vacation.

Finally, as usual, I’m going to end with a request. I realize that my life here is pretty foreign to most of y’all back home and while I think I’ve done a pretty good job of giving you a snapshot of my experience, I think it’s pretty interesting to compare and contrast my situation to those in other PC countries and sectors. Therefore, in the next couple months I will be enlisting the help from some of my PCV friends in other countries to be featured here as guest bloggers. My idea is to collect questions from my friends and family who read this blog and then have these lovely volunteers to answer them. So, if you have a question you’ve been dying to ask, send it my way. It would be best if these questions were more general (aka not Mozambique specific) but whatever you want to know, I want to answer! I’m hoping to publish this blog sometime around the New Year to mark my first year of service so you’ve got a couple months to send me any inquires you’ve got!

Hope you’re all looking forward to the Saints taking down the Giants tonight and the return of hockey season this week!

Love Always,

A

 

Jaded Corps

This was not the July recap I sat down to write.

You see when you start teaching in the middle of the trimester you don’t have a lot of control over what your students already know. In fact, you don’t have any control over it at all. So the best you can do is to start teaching them from where you think the last teacher left off and hope that you get enough covered by the time the trimester ends for them to pass their tests. Now if there was anything that was royally inconvenient about my move, it was the turmas I inherited. And if you are one of my PCV friends you’ve already heard me complain about this and I’m sorry. Basically – all of my classes were wicked behind where they should’ve been which would be one thing if they really knew the stuff they were supposed to have already learned, but they didn’t. So I had 4 classes that were in 3 different places in the curriculum but who were all at least a unit behind, and didn’t have a strong enough grasp on the basics for me to rush through the rest of the topics. All of that was frustrating but I didn’t realize how frustrating until we had our government tests this week. I knew my kids would struggle because of how behind they were, but I didn’t anticipate how disheartening it would be to realize not one of my kids could answer a single question on the test in 8th or 9th grade. Not one. How do you not feel awful about yourself as a teacher after that?? Of course I know that this isn’t completely or even remotely my fault, but at the same time, my students failed their test and therefore I failed them. 

There is a lot of talk in the PC community about being “jaded” and for the first chunk of my service I prided myself on being able to stay grounded and only mildly jaded. We use this word “jaded” to describe the feeling you get when all seems lost and you’re no longer the wide-eyed optimistic PCV that was ready to hit the ground running as soon as you got into community. You’re “jaded” once you’ve accepted that a lot of your students are going to fail with or without your help, and that the children will never stop referring to you by the local word for “white person.” It’s a negative feeling and I am not a negative person, so jaded was not something I wanted to become. I knew that the difference I was making wouldn’t always be visible but would usually still exist and that was all I needed for awhile. But then I have weeks like this one, that come after being stuck at site for a bit too long without a break and not a whole lot of light at the end of the tunnel, and I really struggle to appreciate my impact. You see, when your work doesn’t seem to be helping anyone, even more when it appears to be hindering some, it’s really hard to justify the shitty times. Why should I put myself through all the struggles that come with this life if my main goal is to teach these kids and I don’t seem to be able to do that??

I’m going to stop you all there. 

I am not writing this post for you too all comment and tell me that I am making a difference even if I cannot see it and so on and so forth. Actually, I think I’ve said this enough times in this blog that I think I can make the blanket statement that I’m very rarely ever writing these blog posts to garner any reaction from you, my “audience.” Not that I do not appreciate that sentiment, because I do, but that is not my purpose here. 

So often throughout my PC journey from the day I found out I was accepted, up until this moment, when I told people what I was doing, I was hit with this wave of awe and admiration. There is an expectation that PCVs are making a huge difference in their communities while leading these really tough lives. But we aren’t. Most of my days are a lot like, if not easier than, your lives back home. I get up, do chores, eat food, and go to work. Yes, some of those tasks are a bit more labor intensive, and some of the daily interactions come with an added cultural or lingual barrier, but for the most part, my life is really normal. On a day-to-day basis I do not see my impact and while I believe that it is there, sometimes it is hard to avoid getting “jaded.” Mentally? I’m stronger than I have been for a long time. But emotionally? I’m a little disheartened and need some reenergizing. I’ll find my passion again, chances are it’ll be in some random seemingly insignificant act, but it’ll come. I guess my point is this – what happens to me, and I suspect other PCVs, after weeks like this, is what seems like “becoming jaded,” but I what I think is happening is normalizing. No, we aren’t saving the world and living in the trenches, but we do have a purpose. And in the most cliché way possible, if I can accept the things I cannot change then I can start to change the things I cannot accept. 

I would promise my next post will come sooner, or have more to do with my daily life, or would be more positive, but I’m not sure that’s something I can change 😉 Thank you for your continued support – as a reward here’s a cute picture of my cats. Oh, I got cats! More on them next time. Probably. 

– A

One Long Month – One Long Post

Is it just me or did it feel like June crawled by? Ever since I arrived in Moz I’ve felt like time went by pretty fast, but not June. Between the hectic first week, followed by a new site and all the stress that came with it, I was hoping that this month would be over and done with before I had time to dwell on it, but it wasn’t! But I’m not one to wish time away, so in the grand scheme of things it was probably good that I had some time to process everything that came with the month of June.

In the hours and days following my frantic 3am blog post, I finished packing, finally was able to tell my community I was leaving and attempt to say my goodbyes, and then started to trek out to Marrupa.

GEOGRAPHY BREAK

My former site, Macomia, is in the province of Cabo Delgado, my new site is in the province of Niassa. Niassa is not a well populated province with a lot of the land taken up by the Reserve as well as the area surrounding Lake Niassa (or Lake Malawi depending on what country you’re in). Because of this, it is not the easiest province to travel around especially due to how far east Marrupa is, but there is a great group of volunteers here and I’m excited to make it my own as well.

Blue is Macomia, Red is Marrupa

RESUME BLOG

My life here is different – I am now teaching 8^th and 9^th grade Math instead of Math and Physics, I live in a much smaller (but awesome) house that is not full of other people’s stuff, and I don’t know anyone! I have a sitemate from the education group before me who lives next door and a heath sitemate who has finished her service but will hopefully be replaced, and both of them have been absolutely amazing helping me get my footing here. I miss Macomia every day. I miss my English Club and my Reading Program, my colleagues and neighbors who came over constantly, my fabulous sitemate, and even my 1.5 hour walk to the market and the hill. But most of all I miss my students. Teaching 8^th grade math meant that I saw two of my classes 4 days a week which meant I got to know them well. Even with 70 kids in the classroom, I felt connected to each and every one of them in a way that made leaving so much harder. They welcomed me into their lives even though I started teaching late, had no idea what I was doing, and could barely express myself in Portuguese, and I’m a better teacher for it. My eyes welled up when I told them I was moving, and they’re welling up now thinking about the impact they had on my service in the short time I got to spend as their teacher. But the things they taught me will not be wasted. The confidence I gained from struggling through that first trimester allowed me to once again start at a new school halfway through the term with students I don’t know. When my first week of classes was the disaster that it was I didn’t break down and freak out, I shrugged it off and knew that next week would be better because I had had disasters before. Macomia and I had our struggles but I will forever be grateful for what it taught me and the people it gave me. I may no longer be living there but it will always be my home – saudades querida

One Last Sitemate Pic

Two of my favorite girls who wrote me the sweetest note before I left

One last trip down the infamous hill

Quick Selfie with some of my babies

As I mentioned, I have my first week of teaching here under my belt. The middle of June was full of holidays and the school anniversary so I was here for a bit before I finally got into the classroom but I am ready to hit the ground running. There is about a month and a half left in the trimester and I am going to do all that I can to get my new students comfortable with me and my teaching style before we head into tests. For the time being, I am slowly learning my way around, trying to meet as many people as possible (and remember names!), and hopefully getting back into shape. Unfortunately the move meant I was too far away to run the marathon next week, but I am hopeful that I will find another one to train for soon enough.

Can’t complain about my new view

A huge thank you to everyone who has reached out and sent positive vibes my way, I still feel beyond supported and very lucky. I’d like to end this post with one last shoutout, but this time in the form of a vocabulary lesson.

Cababe – (kah-bayb) noun: One who is a part of the most resilient, beautiful, fun, and all around greatest group of girls ever assembled. See Also: Cabob, Caboob

Alex, Emma, Erica, Hannah, Issa, Lorraine, and Maddie – There are no words to describe the pain I feel that we are no longer together, but I know y’all will continue to kickass and take names where ever you are. We’ve been through hell and back over the past few months, but having you 7 by my side made it all okay. Thank you times a million for every text, phone call, voice message, “laugh till we cry” or “cry till we laugh” moment, cold drink and delicious meal shared, funny dance, sarcastic comment, and everything else in between. Estamos juntos para sempre, cause once a Cababe, always a Cababe.

Love Always,

A

Que Será, Será Part 3

I have now experienced the cruelest form of déjà vu.

I cannot believe I’m writing these words right now but…I’m moving! For those of you keeping score at home I have now been told I am moving 3 times. Or, if you want the full break down, I have been told I was probably moving, probably not moving, definitely moving, definitely not moving, maybe moving, definitely staying and now, moving. For real this time. It is almost comical. But not quite. What is more, when I was told I was moving last Friday my original moving date was the 18^th, and then I found out on the Tuesday that I would actually be moved on Thursday, 36 hours later. 36 hours to pack my entire three bedroom house (again!), get rid of everything I wasn’t taking with me, and say goodbye to my whole community who didn’t yet know I was leaving.

I am moving for reasons that I do not want to get into publicly, but feel free to reach out if you would like to know. Obviously this news has come with some mentally and emotionally challenging days for my sitemate, two other volunteers in our province, and myself who will all be relocated, but this group of ladies is strong and I know we will pull through. I am sitting here writing this blog at 2:30am after about 8 hours of packing. I should be getting a few hours of sleep before my last full day in Macomia, but there were some thoughts I needed to get on the page first.

………………………………….

Or so I thought, but I seem to be at a complete loss of words. The suddenness of this move has caused so many thoughts and tasks to be attended to immediately that I don’t think I have the mental capacity for emotions right now. I know once I am at my new site, the gravity of the last week will probably hit me and I will be overcome with all of the feelings that I am too numb to feel right now, and I’m okay with that.

People keep telling me how strong I am for making it through everything we’ve been through in the last few months, and now, leaving behind this community after all. But if I’m being honest, I don’t feel strong. See they are telling me I’m strong because they are thinking about how hard it would be for them to leave their site, but part me is relieved to finally be moving. Knowing that I will be headed to a province without all the instability that comes with ours will allow me to relax in a way I haven’t since I moved here. Not to mention, I am finally getting that opportunity to start over and wipe my slate clean from the community I never quite got my footing in. And that relief makes me feel a little guilty because I really don’t want to be moving but I also don’t feel as though I deserve that praise. The obstacles I have faced thus far in my service have been a unique set, like everyone’s are, and I have no doubt I will leave this experience many times stronger than I entered it…but right now I don’t feel strong, I feel supported.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I am part of the most incredible cohort of PCVs I could have ever imagined. The outpouring of texts and phone calls sending good vibes and support was quite honestly overwhelming. Add in the many PCVs from other cohorts and friends from back home who also reached out, plus the amazing PC staff who are doing everything in their power to make this as painless as possible, and I had no choice but to continue on because these people were carrying me. I am one truly lucky girl, and a few unfortunate sets of circumstances, 48 hectic hours, and a new home are not going to change my mind about that.

Marrupa, Niassa – here I come! More on my new site in a few weeks!

A